What would life be like, if we had no expectations of anything, anywhere, anyone, anytime?
What is the expectation? I expect you to respect me. so I expect that when I meet you. this is how your behaviour will be? this is the energy that I will get from you. I expecting means. I am predicting your future behaviour. is it fair for me to predict other people's future behaviours? No. then the second line of the equation. my happiness is dependent on you fulfilling my expectation and third line if you do not meet up to my expectation I have been let down. I will be unhappy. and who is responsible? you. who did this entire programming without asking the other person? I created the entire program inside and then what I feel. I blame the other person for it.
For example, the parent says to the children so many times, “you have let me down because I expected you to win in this game. come first in the class. I had expected so many things”. it's good to motivate them to come first in the class. it's good to empower them to come first in the class but it's too much of a pressure to say you have to come first in the class because my happiness is dependent on that. pressure will create fear because what if I don't come first. efficiency will come down. I have seen so many children. who are very upset and very low. reasons only one. "we haven't been ready to meet our parent's expectations. I'm useless. I'm not worthwhile " It lowers their self-esteem and that they feel very guilty that their parents are unhappy due to them and not that they've done anything wrong it's just that they haven't been able to reach the parameter which the parent had set for them. I will have to understand the other person's capacity and potential. but, we expect them to do it the way we think is right and then we say "I'm not happy with the way you're doing it I expected you to do it like this." is that the way it should be done. says who? says me and then I'm unhappy.
Check one among our very deep belief systems to expect is natural. this is what we always learnt but let me ask myself what has been the result. let me try something new. everyone is right from their perspective. everyone has a reason for what they're doing and everyone is doing the best to their potential. they're doing it from their perspective of being right. now I have a choice let me start accepting them as they are.I can share, I can inspire, I can teach but my happiness isn't hooked into them. following it I am in control because I'm complete and already happy. my happiness is not dependent on their behaviours and performances. look at all those people on whom we have put pressures of expectations. let me take them away let me be natural and let them be what comes most comfortable to them. this would be the base of a pure relationship. expectation means predicting the future behaviour of others. letting our happiness be dependent on their behaviour and then feeling laid down. people around us will behave and work according to their capacity. we can share with them what we feel is true but cannot expect that they're going to always roll in the hay our way. expectations for children to perform becomes a pressure on them and creates fear of not being able to make their elders happy. this lowers their efficiency. when we do something for others. we do it according to our values and capacity to expect the same from others. is unfair to them. we need to understand. they will behave only according to their capacity. let us not give up our qualities. because others didn't respond the way we expected.
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